


At ease

by Kiyuan



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ambiguous Relationships, Asexual Character, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:28:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28620309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiyuan/pseuds/Kiyuan
Summary: Wonwoo had never had many expectations about his life. He predicted for himself not to meet many people outside his close group of friends. He’d known Soonyoung would be his lifetime friend a long time ago and he’d expected everyone around him to follow the same path as him. Mingyu is an unexpected change that's brough many questions he never even thought about.He doesn't understand himself or what he wants with the two people that seem to be more than friends to him and to each other.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu/Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi
Kudos: 34
Collections: Seventeen Rare Pair Fest: 2 Rare 2 Pair





	At ease

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [SVTRarePairFest2](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/SVTRarePairFest2) collection. 



Wonwoo sits down on the floor with a book open between his hands, he can’t really concentrate and there are two reasons. First, the music's too loud. Second, he has always enjoyed watching Soonyoung move: it has always been mesmerizing and has made him look at his best friend with wonder. Soonyoung's been dancing for as long as he has known him and that has been quite a while. Today he is practicing some choreography they want to upload to the Youtube channel of the academy. He’s watched him practice the same steps for over an hour and he still finds it fascinating.

If it were any other day he would be at home, enjoying his free time and reading quietly, moving as little as possible. Soonyoung had other plans for him though. Yesterday he had called and asked if he wanted to help do a video for his dance classes. 

“I know you’ve been interested in video-making lately!” He exclaimed on the phone. Soonyoung probably thought that was the only excuse he needed to spend one of his free days outside of his really comfortable bed.

”A friend of mine is coming to help us” he continued explaining cheerfully. Wonwoo could almost picture him, running to his classes, a beanie almost covering his eyebrows and being almost annoyingly loud in the middle of the street. 

“I immediately thought of you, when he confirmed he was participating. He works as a cameraman somewhere and knows stuff. You have to come!” Wonwoo nodded and pondered his options. Sure, he would have appreciated being told beforehand, but it sounded like a nice change of pace. 

Now he is here. He’s been here for a while, waiting for Soonyoung’s friend to arrive. He hears someone knocking on the door but doubts Soonyoung is paying any attention. He sees Minghao, one of Soonyoung coworkers, opening the door in the mirror. 

“Soonyoung! Mingyu is finally here! We can start,” Minghao says. Behind him, Wonwoo sees Mingyu, the same Mingyu he met a few months ago at a workshop. When he sees his reflection in the mirror, Wonwoo smiles. Mingyu greets him and throws him a bright grin when his eyes cross. 

It looks a bit ridiculous, Mingyu standing there in the middle of the room with big bags full of the equipment making his big presence noticeable but waving at Wonwoo as if he was a five-year-old child meeting a friend in the park. 

The smile tugging Wonwoo’s lips is shy as he nods at Mingyu and greets him, a quiet “Hey” leaves his body. He’s never felt nervous around Soonyoung, they’ve been friends for such a long time, there isn’t really space for shyness around him. Mingyu, on the other hand, is someone he doesn’t know that well, but wishes he could.

“Soonyoung! How come you never mentioned your friend’s name?” Mingyu says loudly. When he turns, the bags he’s carrying almost fall. “We know each other! He's really cool! ” He says and gives Soonyoung a half hug. “You are always surrounded by cool people.” 

Wonwoo doesn’t know when his best friend has arrived next to Mingyu, but now that they are together he can tell how close they seem to be. He watches Soonyoung laughing against Mingyu’s chest. 

“Of course, he’s cool! He’s cool because he’s been my friend for ages.” Soonyoung argues with a pout. “I always thought you would get along, but it seems you already do.” He grins at both of them. “This reunion is fun, but we should get to work so we can finish today.”

His behaviour changes immediately and even his voice seems different. Wonwoo doesn’t even have time to talk to Mingyu properly as Soonyoung starts explaining what he wants and how he wants it. Mingyu has no problems following Soonyoung’s rhythm and starts describing in detail what they will be doing. 

“Wonwoo, I will need you to be behind me,” he says and Wonwoo understands easily his role. Honestly, he’s excited about this video. The prospect of having something different to do and the possibility of learning something makes him happy. 

Filming is exhausting. He’d never imagined it could take such a long time to film a one minute long video. By the end of it, Minghao and Soonyoung are sweating and Wonwoo doesn’t know if he is just standing or actually walking. Mingyu seems tired, back a bit hunched by the way he’s been holding the equipment. But the way everyone is laughing and joking around feels rewarding. 

*

“So, we met at a workshop Wonwoo participated in. I was there being the mentor!” Mingyu is explaining why they know each other to a really eager Soonyoung. They are sitting around a table and waiting for their dinner to arrive. Soonyoung is treating them tonight, “as a form of payment, we don’t have enough money to actually pay you for doing your job for us” he said with a grunt and Wonwoo understands his frustration. 

“The company I’m working in right now organizes workshops on video-making for amateurs,” Wonwoo lets Mingyu speak. He feels like listening, he’s curious about Mingyu’s side of the story. 

The workshop they met for the first time was one of the rare spontaneous decisions Wonwoo made. He’d seen the ads somewhere and in the spur of the moment made up his mind. 

Mingyu was the mentor assigned to his work group and Wonwooo couldn’t help but be a bit infatuated. Mingyu was so good at whatever he decided to do. He was a great mentor and a great teacher, always wanting to include everyone’s suggestions even if they sounded ridiculous. Wonwoo’s admiration only grew when he got to know Mingyu a bit better, a few days after the workshop was finished when they met to have some coffee. 

“He was working with a pretty cool group with lots of ideas. Everyone was really loud and Wonwoo was not, but once they got used to each other it was really cool to watch them work together.” He speaks cheerfully while eating. “What they managed to do was also great!” He adds and Wonwoo sees Soonyoung eyeing him and grinning at him. "I don't know exactly how but we ended up talking a lot during the coffee breaks and then I asked him if he would like to hang out some other time". His tone, almost proud, changes when he stares at Wonwoo and pouts. "Why didn't you reach out later, Wonwoo?" 

He knows Mingyu is only teasing but a part of him feels guilty. He had wanted to keep seeing him, that much he remembers. He also remembers having no energy left for keeping up with many of his friends after taking so many shifts work. 

"Yes, well... I'm really sorry about that… I was much busier after the first time we met… I didn't really have the mind to do much more than exist" he tries to convey his regret with his voice. He had wanted to get to know Mingyu better. He had felt relieved when he approached him at the end of the last session of the workshop and had asked for his number. 

“Don’t worry! I guessed so! Things got busier at my job too, we barely have time anymore to plan workshops” Mingyu sulks .

“So busy you didn’t have enough time for me, I see.” Soonyoung says and pushes Mingyu playfully. He giggles when Mingyu shoves him back and starts asking him about what he’s doing now, how come they never see each other anymore, why isn’t he visiting Minghao as often, etc. 

Soonyoung is enthralled and he doesn’t seem to actually be paying attention. He’s resting his chin on his hand and there is a dreamy gleam in his eyes. Wonwoo recognizes that face. That’s the face he has when he is interested in someone. He could have seen it earlier during the filming, when Soonyoung’s body always seemed to lean in Mingyu’s direction unconsciously. 

Wonwoo understands that look, he’s pretty sure he’s had it himself on several occasions. He can think of different situations where he’s been left staring like a fool. For instance, when Mingyu managed to turn down the suggestion to include a weird video transition in the most gentle way possible during the workshop. 

He knows he’s also had that look, fond eyes and small smile, directed at Soonyoung. Everytime Soonyoung spoke about dance or showed him some new ideas, everytime Soonyoung came to pick him up from work and looked tired and round but also comfortable. 

“Are you going to keep meeting to finish the video?” Soonyoung is asking both of them. “I guess, only if you are not that busy, Wonwoo” Mingyu offers, hopeful, looking at him expectantly.

“Sure. I would like to learn something besides walking behind you.” He says, a tad serious with a teasing lilt in his voice. “When are you available?” Mingyu asks with a grin and Soonyoung claps briefly. “It’s decided!” He exclaims loudly. Wonwoo can actually see some people turning around and giving them looks. “Let me know when you are finished and I will take you out for dinner again!” He extends his arms in a grand gesture and Wonwoo feels a little bit embarrassed but also endeared. 

*

Wonwoo and Mingyu decide to meet more than once. “We could do it in one go, but I think it’s better if I teach you some things about video-making while we are at it.” Mingyu told him before they parted ways after dinner. “Don’t worry if you don’t have time or you don’t feel like doing it! We can do it quickly in that case,” he added. 

“Don’t worry. I’m really interested.” Wonwoo replied eagerly. He really wanted to learn about video editing, but he also really wanted to get to know Mingyu better. 

Some days later, Wonwoo is waiting for Mingyu, he was supposed to be at home. He’s checked the time at least ten times and gone around the buildings checking if he was in the right place. He is, and Mingyu is not picking up his calls. He is ready to call again, when he hears someone yelling his name. “Wonwoo, I’m so sorry!” He is running towards him looking apologetic. “I had to stay a bit longer and couldn’t tell you because my phone was dead. I’m really sorry.” He stops right in front of him and is breathing hard. “Have you been waiting for long?”

“No, no. I just thought I made a mistake and was not in the right place.” Wonwoo follows Mingyu all the way to his apartment. He doesn’t know why he’s surprised to find out Mingy has all the equipment necessary and even a room dedicated to the computer and the cameras. 

“It’s my job, but it’s also what I like to do in my spare time... ” he explains sheepishly. Wonwoo just smiles and keeps walking around, looking at everything with interest. “I wish I could have everything you have here.” He comments before turning to him. “Where should we start?”

They work for a couple of hours. Mingyu repeats what he already explained during the workshop and shows him some other videos he’s done and how he can do the same. When they are finished, he doesn’t leave and stays for dinner.

Mingyu is cooking and after some hours working on the video, Wonwoo feels comfortable. While editing, Mingyu has been asking questions about him and Wonwoo is having less and less problems talking about himself. 

“I don’t dislike my job. It’s… I wouldn’t say entertaining, but I’m not bored and at the end of the month I have enough money to afford the things I like.” Mingyu has asked about his job at the store. 

There was a time when he was embarrassed about his job. While everyone was trying to find a passion that could give them money, he was content with the situation he was in. It took him some time to understand he felt happy and that was enough for him. 

“What are the things you like?” Mingyu doesn't stop making questions. He seems interested in what he has to say and Wonwoo enjoys the attention. “It’s hard to say… I’ve always enjoyed reading and recently I thought this video thing was interesting...” He replies easily, he’s helping Mingyu with the dishes. “That’s the reason I did the workshop where we met.”

When he leaves Mingyu’s apartment, he’s tired but happy. He smiles the whole way home. 

*

They end up meeting more than they originally intended. It turns out to be difficult working with someone you are so interested in. They always start each session concentrated and focused on finishing as soon as possible, but after a couple of minutes, Wonwoo is curious about something that has nothing to do with their task and Mingyu is asking him how his day has gone. Before he leaves, Mingyu always prepares dinner for them, sometimes is some already-made food, sometimes he cooks and Wonwoo always stays afterwards to do the dishes. 

Wonwoo unfolds under Mingyu’s attention and questions. Their conversations flow in a natural way and the silences they share are comfortable. Mingyu is talkative but never forces his stories. He tends to ramble and move his hands around when he’s excited, he laughs freely and loudly. Wonwoo is reminded of Soonyoung in those situations and can see how both could get along. At this point he doesn’t know if he can say he has a crush. What he knows is, he wants to spend his time with Mingyu. 

“How is my video going?” Soonyoung is asking again. That’s probably the question Wonwoo has heard the most in the last two weeks. “I want to see it already!” He’s doing his best at being as annoying as a five-year old child and Wonwoo doesn’t want to indulge him. “But I also want to pay for your dinner!” Now he is pouting and Wonwoo can’t help but chuckle. 

“What is the point of asking us every time when you know the first thing we’ll do when we have it finished is telling you?” Wonwoo comments only half joking, he is actually curious. 

“How is it going with Mingyu?” Soonyoung doesn’t bother answering. When Wonwoo hears the question, he thinks this is what his friend has actually wanted to ask. “I like him! He is really nice!” Soonyoung doesn’t give him time to even think of replying and instead continues rambling. “I’m actually really happy. I really wanted you to meet” he finishes. He stops talking and actually looks a bit embarrassed. 

“You set us up?” Wonwoo is half-smiling. Soonyoung was cute, sure loud and too enthusiastic sometimes, but these situations reminded him how thoughtful he could actually be, even when he didn’t showcase it. 

“Not really. But I thought you would get along and I wasn’t wrong!” His gesture when he says the last words is grand and theatrical, if Wonwoo wasn’t so used to his antics, he would be questioning what’s wrong with him. 

“No, you weren’t” He concedes. “How did you meet? You've been talking about him but you never told me that.”

Soonyoung launches himself into their story. As he listens, Wonwoo thinks it's nothing out of the ordinary but Soonyoung makes it entertaining. Minghao had introduced them. Mingyu was his friend who did “camera stuff”, so he started going to their studio to film short videos. “A bit shorter and more simple than the one we did” Soonyoung adds. “After two days, Mingyu was whining and asking for dinner as payment for his services,” he sighs but Wonwoo can hear the affection in his voice. “I thought I was going to go broke, but he couldn’t come for quite awhile and I could save the money.”

Wonwoo sees how Soonyoung's eyes light up every time he mentions their dinners, he sees the fondness when his friend chuckles retelling some story about Mingyu being clumsy or how he can’t seem to avoid complimenting him. He wonders if that’s how he looks or sounds whenever he talks about them. He wonders if what he is seeing in Soonyoung’s face is a reflection of the joy he feels whenever he is with them. 

*

As he promised, Soonyoung pays for their dinner three days later, but only after watching the video at least a dozen times and gushing about the results. Their table is a bit secluded, so Wonwoo feels grateful to have some kind of privacy with how loud Soonyoung and Mingyu are together. Every now and then they lift their glasses and cheer for whatever reason they find entertaining at the moment. He’s heard already “to tiger paws!” from Soonyoung or some weird “to lumetri!” from Mingyu. Maybe he wants the earth to swallow him up and hopes they’re not attracting too much attention. Wonwoo doesn’t stop them, though. He’s enjoying it too much. 

Between the stupid toasts they propose, Wonwoo notices how Mingyu and Soonyoung seem to unconsciously lean into each other’s space. Sooonyoung’s hand is on Mingyu’s forearm and has been there for a while and Mingyu can’t seem to stop playing with the collar of Soonyoung’s shirt, he tugs at it and then puts it back. 

Wonwoo feels his hands itching to reach for them. Watching them, he longs for that kind of contact, that kind of intimacy. For the first time in a while, he feels lost and out of his depth. He’s never known how to ask for closeness and affection, he’s never wanted it before. A new sensation of yearning starts blooming inside him. He thinks he would like Mingyu’s hand over his thigh or Soonyoung tracing the veins of his arms as he’s seen him do with other people. 

Watching them, he believes he’s envious of how open and welcoming they seem to others. He might seem aloof, but he’s just fond of his personal space. That, and the fear of rejection he’s never wanted to acknowledge. He’s only ever taken what was given to him. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why he’s always wanted to be close to Soonyoung, why he still wants to keep him as close as possible. Soonyoung is someone who gives himself away, who dotes on their friends and Wonwoo is glad to be on the receiving end of his never ending stream of energy. 

Watching them here sitting down and being close, he would like to be able to reach out and join their world, he would like to be able to extend his hand and let it rest over Mingyu’s, he would like to be able to hug Soonyoung without feeling himself crumble under the weight of his own thoughts and shyness. 

*

After their dinner they start meeting unprompted. If Soonyoung wants to check out some new restaurant or bakery, he takes Wonwoo and Mingyu with him. Whenever he needs someone to review his dance routines, he calls them and then pays for their food.

Wonwoo is surprised when he arrives at Soonyoung’s place and is welcomed by Mingyu at the door, dressed comfortably with a cute apron on. “Come in! We were waiting for you.” He says smiling and takes his hand. Soonyoung is setting up the table for the three of them and turns around to look at him. “I can’t afford treating you every week, so I ask Mingyu to teach me some recipes!” He makes one of his gestures, opening his arms, presenting whatever he managed to cook and for the second time in the last five minutes Wonwoo is surprised. The image of a concentrated Soonyoung trying to cook makes a tingling feeling run through his body.

“I would also like to learn some of your tricks, Mingyu.” The younger man grins back at him brightly, his hand is still engulfing Wonwoo’s and he thinks he’s never felt this way before. This happy, joyful and in awe. 

When he sits down in front of his friends, he sees how Mingyu uses Soonyoung’s shirt to wipe his hand from the sauce and chuckles. Soonyoung whines loudly “Mingyu, please! Use napkins!” but the only answer he receives is a cackle.

*

Wonwoo has never had many expectations regarding big changes. He thought after college and getting a job, everything was going to remain stable in a comfortable way. He predicted for himself not to meet many people outside his friends. He’d known Soonyoung would be his lifetime friend a long time ago and he’d expected everyone around him to follow the same path as him. So far, that’s how it was, Soonyoung lived in the same city and didn’t have any intentions of moving, Jihoon managed to find a situation that fitted his ambition and comfort. 

Mingyu is an unexpected change. They met rather abruptly but he’s presence seeps into his everyday life with ease. Suddenly he’s constantly trying to find things to do with him. He's willing to admit to himsel his new interest for video making might have been influenced by his interest in his new friend, his wish to spend more time with him. They've met to film short videos or to edit them. Every time they find an excuse to end up in Mingyu’s apartment having dinner together. 

He is fond of the memory of that one night they went to try some night photography and froze only to come back without a single good picture. While waiting for the results, Mingyu had been telling him about some chaotic shooting (“as always” he comments) and how they had to reschedule everything from scratch. Mingyu, Wonwoo found out, was able to talk for hours and still be funny. 

That night, at home, he thought fondly back to Mingyu listening to him and encouraging him to keep talking. 

He finds himself searching for them more often these days. Looking for Soonyoung feels natural, he’s been doing it for so long it has become a part of him, but Mingyu fits with them in a surprisingly easy way, he’s able to keep up with Soonyoung’s energy and is able to tend Wonwoo’s quietness. Wonwoo wonders often how it was possible for them to fall into their own place together so fast. It’s barely been months and the younger has carved a place for himself with them. 

By the time his shift is finished, Wonwoo forgets he was supposed to meet with Mingyu today. He only remembers it when he opens the door to a worried-looking Mingyu, dressed in an oversized T-shirt and sweatpants. 

“What are you doing here?” He hopes he doesn’t sound rude, there’s surprise and confusion in his question. 

“We were supposed to meet downstairs twenty minutes ago and you are never late.” Mingyu is right, they were supposed to check a new exhibition together, but he didn’t even think about it. 

“I’m so sorry,” he hopes his voice doesn’t betray his distress, “I will change and we can leave. Give me five minutes!” He says the last part when he’s almost at the other side of his apartment, but he stops when he hears Mingyu’s voice. “Hey! Wonwoo!” he’s walked after him and is standing now in front him. “We don’t need to go if you don’t want to... We can stay in or I can leave if you prefer to be alone?” He offers hesitatingly. It is rare to see Mingyu, usually bursting with confidence, taking a step back and being shy. 

“No, don’t leave.” Wonwoo doesn’t like bothering people, much less his friends, with his weird moods, but he doesn’t want to see Mingyu go from his apartment. “Would you like some tea?” He offers. “I don’t want to keep you here, if you don’t feel like staying either.”

Mingyu chuckles a bit before reassuring him he really wants to stay. A comfortable silence takes over when they are drinking from their mugs. Wonwoo has barely lifted his gaze from his mug, when he’s taken out of his thoughts by Mingyu’s voice.

“Can I ask you what happened or you prefer not talking about it?”

He is surprised to find himself willing to share and he does. He explains how difficult it is dealing with mistakes at his work because everyone seems to be willing to blame one another. How everything becomes too personal when you’ve spent the last two years working with the same people and the lines in their relationship are a bit blurred. He’s drained, he needs rest, he’s barely had it in the past weeks. 

“Can I hug you?” Mingyu asks him when he’s finished talking. Wonwoo feels small and vulnerable under his stare. He is not one to crumble under pressure or to ask for help, but today has been rough and exhausting. “Please” he says in a whisper and senses Mingyu’s arms around his shoulders. He lets a deep breath out and lifts his arms and hugs Mingyu back. He feels himself loosening under his touch and taking slower breaths.

It is a weird feeling to find out you trust someone so much when you didn’t expect it. He believes himself lucky to have them as friends, as partners or as whatever they’ve become in the past months. 

Lately he’s been feeling like that, bright and fortunate, as if everything was easier. His mind wonders again in that direction some weeks later, when he finds himself staring blankly at a photo he took when he was with Mingyu and Soonyoung. The picture is not even good, he had been practicing some framing tips Mingyu had given him so he was pointing the camera at anything he could find. It shows them laughing loudly at something, with no space between their bodies.Wonwoo can’t actually remember what he was trying to achieve, but he likes the picture, he’s saved several versions of it in his laptop. 

Mingyu came to find them because he was frustrated. With a small voice he explained how he had fought with his sister again. It was surprising to see Mingyu so dejected, so ashamed of himself. They didn’t know what to do, so they just stayed there and listened to him explaining years worth of family dynamics they couldn’t fully understand. Soonyoung had his hand on Mingyu’s arm and Wonwoo stayed as close as possible. When he was finished, he laughed quietly and thanked them. 

Wonwoo honestly didn’t know why, but it was Soonyoung the one who put his thoughts into words. “I don’t think we’ve done much, but thank you too!” His response earned a cackle from Mingyu. 

He doesn’t remember anymore what they said afterwards, what he remembers is them laughing and him taking the camera he had forgotten to snap a picture of that moment, with their faces twisted into a broad smile and heads almost touching. 

Mingyu and Soonyoung gravitate towards each other when they are together. It’s been a slow change, but he can’t stop noticing it now. He sees it in the way they lean to each other whenever they are discussing something, he sees it in the way Mingyu passes his arm around Soonyoung to bring him closer or in the way Soonyoung becomes giggly when he realises Mingyu is closer than he expected. 

And when they are together, he’s drawn to them. It feels natural to want to know more about them and message them constantly. He can’t help getting closer to them when they are walking or closing the space between them when they are talking. Before he can even think about it he notices Mingyu letting his head rest on his shoulder whenever they are watching something or holding his hand at random times. He hugs him more often now, he keeps him at an arm distance away from him, always looking for his hands with a smile. 

It had been different with Soonyoung.

He acted hesitant around him at first. He took back his hands several times when reaching out to hug him. Wonwoo sensed him watching them curiously whenever Mingyu was closer. At some point he starts hugging Wonwoo as often, tangles their arms while walking and even cuddles him when they’re together doing nothing. It’s almost as if he had been controlling himself while gauging Wonwoo’s reaction all this time, as if he had been waiting to see if he was going to be rejected.

Soonyoung was lying down next to him, his cheek squeezed against one of his pillows while munching some snacks. Wonwoo had stopped paying attention to whatever they were watching a long time ago, he was far too tired and sleepy to concentrate, but his friend seemed engrossed in the video. It was one of the rare days when Mingyu wasn’t with them and Wonwoo was glad they could still have that. Not that he didn’t like their younger friend, quite the opposite, but he had missed spending time with Soonyoung, listening to him talk about his day, doing their things together. 

His thoughts were interrupted when he felt Soonyoung staring at him. He nodded at him, asking, but the question never actually left his mouth. “Would you mind if I use you as a pillow?”

Wonwoo was so surprised at the question, he took some time to answer. “Sure,” he stuttered after a while. “Why not?” he said, trying to go for a lighthearted tone, he didn’t know he achieved. He wanted to get rid of the sudden awkwardness that had settled between them. 

Soonyoung moved towards him, let his head rest on his chest and wrapped him with one of his arms. Once he was comfortable, he tightened his hold and when he seemed satisfied he continued playing the video. Wonwoo wasn’t even aware it had stopped. 

He never thought he could enjoy it this much, he never thought he could want what he’s receiving, that he could be looking forward to all their gestures and touches. Coming to terms with it has been an interesting journey. He’s glad Mingyu and Soonyoung haven’t asked many questions, they’ve taken him along in their relationship, accepting him with their easy affection, letting him distance himself whenever he has needed it. 

Wonwoo still feels he lacks something they seem to have though. They stand closer, their bodies are tangled in their everyday, loudly bumping into each other, grabbing each other's hands, subtle caresses on their arms when they’re talking. Then there are kisses, chaste on their cheeks, quick pecks and rare long kisses. He’s an interested witness to the exchange whenever it happens in front of him. He’s found himself more often than not wondering how it is like, to kiss someone, to feel the closeness, wondering if that’s what he wants for him, if that’s what he wants for _them_.

He’s curious, he’s afraid to ask, he’s afraid to say anything. For that, he would have to say aloud something he’s only ever admitted to himself. The thought feels frightening and overwhelming. 

He’s never thought about couples that much, he’s never needed to. He’s never considered what it actually meant for everyone. Now he wonders what it means for him, what it would mean for him to stand at the same level as Mingyu and Soonyoung. What kind of role does he have to play? He asks himself often whenever he watches his friends get closer. 

_What do I have to do to be there?_

He questions himself when he sees Mingyu and Soonyoung cooking together in front of him, although it would be more accurate to say Mingyu is cooking and Soonyoung’s task is to bother him meanwhile. He’s taking the plates and deciding which ones look prettier to use, he insists on cleaning after Mingyu even when he isn’t finished. The younger indulges him, glaring at him when his hands get a little closer to the knife than they should or when he clings to his arms annoyingly. 

Soonyoung appeared when they were almost finished editing the new choreography video. It’s the third one they did since they first met and so far Mingyu and Wonwoo work well together. It also helps that they’re most of the time together, that Soonyoung is incredibly enthusiastic about whatever they’re doing and that it doesn’t feel like a job when, after every editing session, they sit down to have dinner together. Usually it’s only Mingyu and Wonwoo, but Mingyu had invited Soonyoung this time around, something about their friend finishing earlier and having time for them.

Wonwoo doesn’t complain, he finds himself smiling most of the time he spends by their side, even if he’s confused and conflicted and they are the source, they also manage to be the antidote. He’s planned their conversation more than once in his head. He would tell them he’s asexual and they’d be understanding. But he’s never been able to picture how it would actually end. Would they pull a face and try to mask it? Would they listen to him? Will they understand it even if he doesn’t?

During dinner their conversation flows and they jump from one topic to another. Wonwoo is quiet, not uncomfortably or uncharacteristically so, just thoughtful. They don’t seem to have noticed a change in his behaviour too engrossed discussing some technical details of the next video. 

He offers to do the dishes when they are finished. He has to insist, because they don’t want him “to do all the work”, but he’s as stubborn as them. Finally Mingyu takes Soonyoung by the arm with him, letting him do his chore in peace. He can hear his friends talking and laughing over the sound of plates clinking and the water. 

He dries his hands when he finishes and leaves the kitchen to join them. The question barely leaves his lips when he stops walking. Mingyu and Soonyoung are kissing, not the innocent pecks or chaste long kisses he’s grown used to seeing. Their hands are over each other, Soonyoung’s on Mingyu’s nape, Mingyu’s on Soonyoung’s waist, they move slowly. It’s as if he’s entered a scene in a movie. He stands there for a few seconds debating himself between leaving or making his presence known. 

He doesn’t know how, but before he can turn around and storm out, they notice him. They don’t seem to perceive his uneasiness, in fact, when they look at him, their stares are unbothered, as if they hadn’t been interrupted, as if the interruption was welcome. Soonyoung is the first one to take a step to him, his hand never leaves Mingyu’s, but now he’s looking at him raising his eyebrows, he seems to be asking a question silently, but Wonwoo doesn’t think he understands and if he does, he doesn’t think he has the answer for it. 

Suddenly Mingyu is there, next to Soonyoung, in front of him and even if there’s still some space between them, Wonwoo feels caged and small. He can’t find any strength in him to move and take a step back or forward. This is the opportunity he’s been looking for, right? The opportunity to share their bond, the intimacy, the affection. The opportunity to be there. He forces himself to look at them. When he sees their expectations written all over their faces, he tries to relax, to unclench his fists. When he breathes deep, he can feel something unpleasant churning inside him, but under their stares he can’t identify it. He takes a small step closer and leans his body into their space. 

Soonyoung kisses him first, tender but eager and he moves his lips trying to mirror what his friend is doing. He holds Soonyoung by the waist and he closes his eyes trying to get rid of all the uneasiness curling in his stomach. Maybe if he tries to relax he can enjoy it… _Just relax_ he repeats in his head while his friend presses their lips together gently. 

Soonyoung takes a little step back and breathes, Wonwoo can feel his hands brushing his nape slowly and when he opens his eyes and stares at Soonyoungs, he lets himself breathe again. Soonyoung seems to remain oblivious to his inner turmoil and Wonwoo feels almost grateful, if his best friend doesn’t notice his discomfort, it means he’s doing a good job, right? 

Soonyoung smiles reassuringly and it’s blinding and a bit overwhelming. He should be thankful. They are caring enough to take it slow with him, to be patient with him right? Why is there uneasiness pooling at the bottom of his stomach? Why does he feel uncomfortable? 

Not knowing what to do, he tugs Mingyu closer and leans into his space wanting to kiss him. Maybe if he initiates it he will feel better about it. Maybe if he has someone to think about he will stop focusing on his own feelings. 

Mingyu complies and leans in, tilts his head and stops when their noses are almost touching, looks at him and lets him get closer and take the initiative. The first touch feels nice, warm and welcoming. Wonwoo is relieved, but the reprieve is short. 

Once Mingyu starts moving and pressing his lips softly against him, his body goes rigid. Mingyu and Wonwoos’ fingers are intertwined and he feels Soonyoung take his other hand. He fights his body’s instinct to tighten up or squeeze their hands. He tries to move, he tries to relax but feels frozen in place. Maybe if he could breathe deeper, maybe another approach is what he needs, maybe if he focuses on their hands, maybe he can find a way… 

“Wonwoo. Wonwoo?” Mingyu’s voice interrupts his thoughts. He hasn’t realized MIngyu is no longer kissing him and has distanced himself. Now the only point of connection is their hands. He is staring at him with worry in his eyes. “Are you okay?” he whispers and he doesn’t seem to know what to do with the situation. Soonyoung seems to have awakened from some kind of daze and is now staring at him intently. He takes Wonwoo’s other hand and gives him a questioning look. “Do you maybe want to stop?” He asks with a higher-pitched voice, looking at him with big, sad eyes. 

Wonwoo feels himself shiver under their undivided attention. He doesn’t know where to look or what to do or how to react. He can still feel the tension coursing through his body. He is furrowing his brows. _Do I want to stop?_ he repeats the question over and over in his head. 

His mind is in a jumble. He wants to be part of what they have. Right now he wants so badly to make them happy and like it and feel comfortable, instead he feels himself spiraling out of control. He feels foreign and a stranger there with them, in that situation. There’s an uneasy feeling prickling at his skin he’s never felt before. Under their stare he feels raw and wrong. He fears this will change their relationship, maybe they’ll see him differently. Maybe he’s become too much work for them right now. He doesn’t even know what he wants.

The past weeks he’s wondered how it worked, how it felt and he was curious. He’s seen Mingyu and Soonyoug being with each other, kissing, cuddling and he’s wanted that. Now he doesn’t know if he’s doing a good job at being with them, doesn’t even know if it’s what they want. 

He is now looking at their intertwined hands. He wants to be here. That much he knows, he doesn’t know anything else besides this and that they shouldn’t have to deal with him and how he feels right now. He looks up and tries to avoid their eyes with a sigh. He’s fucking eveything up, he is messing one of his most precious relationships. 

He doesn’t know how much time has passed since Mingyu put some distance between them, but it feels like a long time ago with all his doubts clouding his mind and they’ve waited patiently for him enough. He’s being quiet and they haven’t let go of his hands but when he looks at them Soonyoung seems restless, his gaze is no longer dazed. He keeps staring at him, he seems to demand an answer, he’s looking for one in his gestures. Mingyu looks puzzled and worried. Their hold on him itches. He’s never wanted to make them feel bad.

There’s guilt turning his body into stone, making him feel bad and leaving him with the need to apologize. _I’m sorry, I should have said something, I’m sorry I don’t like this, I’m sorry you trusted me and I’m sorry I can’t fulfill your expectations_. But he stops himself before saying anything like that. 

“Yes, I want to stop.” it’s what he says instead. He’s not even sure if they’ve heard him, the sentence being spoken in a sigh. In an attempt to reassure them he is fine, even if he doesn’t feel like it, he draws soothing movements in their hands. He wants to be here, but maybe not now. That’s the only conclusion he has come to in these past minutes. 

“Don’t feel bad please” he says with a small voice. “I think I just need some space and some time to think by myself.” His voice doesn’t waver and for a moment Wonwoo is amazed his voice doesn’t reflect what he’s thinking. 

The moment the sentence is out in the open they let go of their hold and take a step back. His demand seems to float between them and make their distance bigger. Wonwoo misses their closeness and starts regretting his decision, but now is not the time for this, he tells himself even if the only thing he wants now is the reassurance that everything will remain as it was ten minutes ago. 

“I will go” he whispered finally and turned to leave the room. Right before leaving Mingyu’s apartment and closing the door he can hear Soonyoung asking him to wait, but ignores it, almost running outside. He is too agitated to deal with anything but himself at the moment. 

*

Wonwoo has never felt this kind of loneliness before. Lying down on his bed, he hasn’t even changed clothes, he stares at the ceiling. His mind is replaying he events with Mingyu and Soonyoung. He remembers laughing and feeling encouraged right before, he remembers the expectations.

He remembers their kisses. Then remembers an overwhelming feeling freezing his body. Now, as he recalls it again and again, he’s ashamed of his own behaviour, of how he couldn’t find the courage to keep going or to stop. Had it never occurred to him how he would feel? _I should have known_ , is a frequent sentence his brain gives back to him whenever he remembers how his body tightened up, how he had to fight himself not to clench Mingyu’s fingers. He would like to reach out to them, to ask them for support, even advice. _Did I offend you? Would it change anything if I can’t be like you?_ He would like to ask. 

He shouldn’t be this shaken by a kiss. By a kiss he wanted. Or that’s what he thought. Now he doesn’t know anymore, he can’t figure out what was wrong with him. The mere thought of voicing everything that’s going around his mind has him wishing he could hide forever, wishing he could turn back time and start again or simply forget about it. Would they ever think of him differently now that he can no longer follow them? 

He remembers how the weeks prior to the kiss felt. Every single touch felt natural, warm and welcome: Soonyoung hugging him and burying his head on his back, Mingyu taking his hand while walking, them sleeping together in Mingyu’s apartment. He thought there had been a change in himself, the craving had been something he’s never experienced before. The longing feeling to be part of what they had… It hadn’t been envy, he simply wanted to feel included and he made an effort for it to happen. 

He’s slowly opened up to them. Looking back and analyzing every one of his acts and gestures he can see how much he has changed in the last months. He barely remembers hugging Soonyoung before, he doesn’t remember wanting to cuddle, he doesn’t remember holding hands with anybody. Now he fears losing that, he’s afraid of them letting him go, if he voices his doubts. He’s afraid to have become a different person for Mingyu and Soonyoung. 

It feels a long time has passed before sleep finds him

*

He's late. He doesn’t need to check to know. He barely has time to get dressed and leave for work in a hurry. During his shift he’s distracted, his mind is somewhere else and everybody seems to notice. His coworkers look at him worriedly from time to time. it doesn’t help him. He hasn’t checked his phone, but he is almost afraid to do so.

While replacing the products on the shelfs, he has time to analyze what happened. He tries desperately to find answers to the questions piling around him. Does he want to be in a relationship with them? Should he contact them and tell them he wasn’t just feeling well that day? Does he want to talk to anyone about this? Why is he making such a big issue out of a kiss? 

He’s tired from the lack of sleep, trying to find answers has left him exhausted. He misses Soonyoung, even Mingyu. He had trusted them to listen to him or understand his silences and absences. The thought of running back, apologizing and forgetting everything feels tempting, but it also feels unfair to ask for support when he hasn’t even figured out what he has in mind. 

Wonwoo isn’t used to feeling fragile. Now he feels tense, about to snap and about to break. He doesn’t even know what that means for him right now. He’s glad the day is quiet at the store, so that he doesn’t have to deal with any clients. By the end of his shift, he’s only more agitated and confused. He wishes there was an easy way to figure out everything he’s feeling. 

When he’s getting ready to leave, he checks his phone. There are no messages from Soonyoung or Mingyu, but he sees one from Jihoon. _How are you doing? We should hang out._ His message arrives in perfect timing. _Sure, are you free now?_ is his answer and waits. 

Jihoon has always been curt and straightforward when speaking and Wonwoo appreciated that about him. Jihoon has been his quiet companion, the one he hangs out with to play video games or the one he shares weird life reflections with. 

“How are you?” Jihoon is making an innocent question, but to Wonwoo it seems charged. They’ve decided to grab some coffee and walk around. Wonwoo feels trapped already in the situation and wandering around has always helped. He’s debating himself between giving an equally innocent answer or unloading everything without any context.

“Well, your message had the perfect timing,” he says, trying to give some sort of introduction. He realizes he’s never talked to anyone about this, about relationships, about him. He never felt the need to. Trying to speak about it now makes him feel unsettled and exposed. 

“I mean… So, I’ve had a problem recently. Yesterday, in fact.” Wonwoo doesn’t even know how to start or where to. Jihoon is staring at him, not saying anything and waiting patiently. “I don’t know if I ever told you, but I’m asexual.” He makes a pause and takes a deep breath. “Probably it feels sudden to you. Maybe you are surprised, I don’t know. I’m telling you this because I have this thing that I don’t know how to name going with Mingyu and Soonyoung and I’ve been thinking me being asexual might be a problem.”

The moment the sentence is out, most of his doubts start making sense. He’s been afraid of their reaction, of him being the problem. He looks at Jihoon for the first time since he’s started talking. He has been paying attention to every detail surrounding them to avoid seeing his friend’s reaction 

“Why would that be a problem?” Jihoon says it carefully, slowly, as if he was afraid to pose that question. Wonwoo laughs quietly, he’s wondered many times before how it could ever be a problem and now he kind of understands it. He attempts to put into words what happened, how he perceives it. He can’t stop talking. When he finishes, he’s drained. He’s never expected it to be so difficult.

Jihoon has been quiet the whole time, simply humming here and there, nodding the rare times when Wonwoo dared to look back at him. 

“I’m sorry… I honestly don’t know what to tell you. I didn’t know any of this about you, but I’m glad you decided to tell me.” He hesitates for a moment, he seems to be pondering the perfect answer. “I’ve never been in such a situation. I wouldn’t know how to react, I don’t know what you can do. I’m sorry, Wonwoo” he apologizes and before Wonwoo has time to brush it off, Jihoon is speaking again. “But I think you should talk to them. It seems important to you and it seems they would care about whatever is important to you.” He’s frowning a bit, he seems to be looking for the right words. “I think they’ll be glad if you do,” he finishes. 

Wonwoo feels shy hearing these words. Being all up in his head, he’s forgotten he’s still in a relationship, even if he can’t name it. His shoulders seem lighter and when he thanks Jihoon, he does with a big grin on his face. The tension lifts and he asks Jihoon about him. After a while they separate and when he goes home his mind is clearer. He finds himself at a better place. 

Some days pass, the pang of courage that ran through him after his talk with Jihoon has abandonned him. He is aware it’s his turn, he did ask for time and they’re giving him exactly what he asked for, but it’s so difficult. Each passing day he grows more anxious. He misses them. He misses being able to talk to them, being able to spend time with them. The past week has been eerily quiet and uneventful without Soonyoung’s constant messages or without his stupid pictures. The silence from their side scares him. 

_Hey! How are you? Would you like to hang out?_ is the final message he sends to Soonyoung. He’s rewritten it at least four times, wondering why it seems so detached, why it suddenly looks like they haven’t spoken in years. Now he is obsessively checking his phone waiting for an answer and not wanting to read it at the same time. For the hundredth time this week he wishes he could take back what he said about needing time and space. 

_Sure, dinner at mine?_

Soonyoung’s reply seems normal, as if there wasn’t some loaded tension in between. Wonwoo is relieved when he reads it. He has missed it so much, misses him. 

When he arrives, Soonyoung seems to be standing closeby expecting him. He barely waits when he knocks the door, his friend almost slams the door open. “Wonwoo! You are here!” he exclaims. Yes he 's here. He can’t help but grin at his friend’s usual antics, some of his nervousness fades the moment he steps in Soonyoung’s apartment and follows him. 

Soonyoung never stops talking, as always. They haven’t spoken for a week and there seems to be a lot of news. He’s working on a new choreography, he’s going to need their help with some video again, one of the kids in his class did something funny, there’s this new guy working at the gym who’s really hot and cute, Minghao has asked for some free days because a friend is visiting. 

There is so much information flying around and he realizes what Soonyoung is doing. After all, he knows him well enough. He’s filling the silence, trying to cover the awkwardness with chatter. A pang of disappointment crosses his chest. He’d wanted to talk, he’d thought Soonyoung would listen. 

Wonwoo is surprised to find the food already there when he arrives and they sit down. Soonyoung doesn’t stop talking, even while they’re eating. Wonwoo is desperately looking for a moment where he can say something, maybe reassure his friend that nothing has changed. But he can’t find it. Soonyoung speaks and speaks. It is evident he is not comfortable and Wonwoo can feel his impatience growing slowly. 

While they’re having dinner, the air around them seems charged. Wonwoo misses the sense of comfort he feels whenever he is with his best friend. Every passing moment makes him grow more frustrated. He would like to be able to breach the topic, but Soonyoung's presence and chatter is overwhelming and barely lets him gather his thoughts. His friend also seems strung up, his stories are growing incoherent and he jumps from one topic to the other, as if talking more would dissolve the awkwardness around them. _He’s so wrong_ , Wonwoo can’t help thinking. 

He’s had the opportunity to barely humm at Soonyoung’s stories when he hears a knock. Soonyoung stands up quickly and runs to get the door, almost kicking a chair on his way. Wonwoo’s discomfort only increases, when he hears Soonyoung whispering to someone. “Mingyu is here!” he yells afterwards. 

_What is happening?_ he thinks when he sees Mingyu standing next to Soonyoung with a sheepish smile. He looks shy and small. It’s a weird image, Soonyoung watching him eagerly, almost demanding everything to go back to how it was just by standing there and Mingyu standing there with a smile that seems apologetic and embarrassed at the same time. 

The silence only lasts for a few seconds because Soonyoung launches himself to talk about something Wonwoo doesn’t care about at this point. He can feel himself getting angrier at Soonyoung and frustrated at himself for not being able to stop everything from spinning out of control. 

He’s quiet, he’s stopped humming or nodding and his gesture has hardened. Mingyu seems to have realized his mood and Wonwoo sees how he reaches out for his hand on the table but draws his hand back when they are almost touching. Wonwoo wants to snap, he wants to tell them he isn’t fragile, he’s the same person as he was before but all dies on his lips when he hears Soonyoung. 

“Okay, what is wrong with you? Is there anything wrong with us?” His voice is harsh and laced with impatience. Mingyu turns to Soonyoung with a surprised face and Wonwoo doesn’t know how to react. He’s never been the target to Soonyoung’s anger or temper, he doesn’t remember ever seeing his friend this angry. 

“You are obviously pissed off. Why aren’t you saying anything?” He continues without paying attention to Mingyu's hand on his shoulder attempting to calm him down. “You didn’t talk to any of us for a week. Now you come here to stay quiet and look constipated. You think we don’t notice when you are uncomfortable, but I know you.” He takes a deep breath, he hasn’t stopped glaring at him while firing the words at him. He’s witnessed his frustration several times, he can recognize it in his posture or in his tone, but he doesn’t understand why it’s being directed at him. 

“Don’t you trust us enough to tell us what’s wrong?” He finishes with an incriminating tone. 

Wonwoo is at a loss of words. He doesn’t know where to look or who to look. He didn’t expect to be confronted directly. Soonyoung and Wonwoo never fought, they never yelled at each other, they never argued, they’ve always agreed on everything, they’ve always tiptoed around whatever made them feel uncomfortable and let the time solve whatever they didn’t want to confront. 

Wonwoo is rarely pissed off to the point where he doesn’t even bother to talk back. He’s staring back at Soonyoung now and the initial surprise has left his face to be replaced by a cold mask. Soonyoung’s words have been harsh and unfair. He’s tried so hard to gather the courage to tell them something, to tell him something and he’s had no space left for that. For once, Wonwoo has no doubts of the answer he has to give. 

“I’m not like you, Soonyoung. I can’t simply go straight ahead and know everything right on the spot.” He’s too tired to elaborate how he has wanted to explain himself. He’s too tired to be understanding and notice the worried looks Mingyu is giving them or the hurt in Soonyoung’s eyes. The past week has been exhausting and he couldn’t imagine a worse way to end it. 

“I’m not reckless and impulsive. Have you even talked to Mingyu about what you two have?!” He continues, but he doesn’t know what he’s saying anymore. He only knows he’s drained. “Have you even tried to reach out to me and ask me what is wrong?! You always move forward and don’t care about the people you leave on the way.” He adds the last sentence with a cold tone, his demeanour has been getting tamer and detached, now there is no emotion in his voice and he recognizes the anger flowing out of him. Yes, he knows he should’ve said something. He understands the theory. It is way different to put it in practice and Soonyoung should have figured it out.

Wonwoo doesn’t wait for an answer and leaves quickly after his last sentence. He’s angry at Soonyoung and his lack of empathy, at him and his lack of control and strength to establish some limits, at Mingyu for not helping him or Soonyoung. He’s drained and just wants to sleep. 

_Tomorrow_ , he thinks when he arrives home and lays down on his bed, _I will regret everything I’ve said today_. 

*

He wakes up late, later than usual and the memories from the fight with Soonyoung come rushing to his head. He’s still angry, he can still feel the same tingling rage yesterday had him clenching his fists at Soonyoung’s words. What is wrong with you? he said. Wonwoo would have liked to yell there was nothing wrong with him, he had wanted to defend himself from the accusations. He had wanted to explain what happened… but he felt cornered and overwhelmed, he didn’t find room to do so and had hated feeling like that with Soonyoung, who had always been understanding. 

Today is his free day. He doesn’t even need to get out of bed. If only he didn’t have to eat… He tries to distract himself by reading or watching some stupid videos, but it doesn’t work. He never thought he would miss working, but having something to do would take him out of his mind. 

He has no new messages, when he checks his phone and he throws it to the bed. He hears the thud before rolling on his stomach and groaning inside the pillow. He isn’t used to such anger, to the frustration he feels towards Soonyoung. He doesn’t know how not to talk to him, how to avoid him. He’s itching all over to get out of bed and run to his place to fix everything. Not really fix them, just pretend they didn’t happen so that he can go back to his comfort place. He’s aware that didn’t go well last time and he doesn’t want to repeat the situation. 

Lying down with his face buried on the pillow he realizes how tired he is, how straining the situation has been. Everything seemed much easier when Soonyoung and him weren’t trying to communicate and just ignored whatever feelings were involved. Everything was much easier before he decided to act out unprompted against himself and wonder how he was feeling or what he wanted. In the last months he’s barely had time on his own and as much as he misses Mingyu and Soonyoung he misses himself too, he misses this unbothered version of him, who didn’t question every action and every gesture. 

Before he finally falls asleep again, he decides to wait and rest, try to put some order in his apartment and in himself. As hard as it feels to him right at that moment, he decides to avoid his two friends until his mind is clearer. 

*

He wakes up late, later than usual and the memories from the fight with Soonyoung come rushing to his head. He’s still angry, he can still feel the same tingling rage yesterday had him clenching his fists at Soonyoung’s words. _What is wrong with you?_ he said. Wonwoo would have liked to yell there was nothing wrong with him, he had wanted to defend himself from the accusations. He had wanted to explain what happened… but he felt cornered and overwhelmed, he didn’t find room to do so and had hated feeling like that with Soonyoung, who had always been understanding. 

Today is his free day. He doesn’t even need to get out of bed. If only he didn’t have to eat… He tries to distract himself by reading or watching some stupid videos, but it doesn’t work. He never thought he would miss working, but having something to do would take him out of his mind. 

He has no new messages, when he checks his phone and he throws it to the bed. He hears the thud before rolling on his stomach and groaning inside the pillow. He isn’t used to such anger, to the frustration he feels towards Soonyoung. He doesn’t know how not to talk to him, how to avoid him. He’s itching all over to get out of bed and run to his place to fix everything. Not really fix them, just pretend they didn’t happen so that he can go back to his comfort place. He’s aware that didn’t go well last time and he doesn’t want to repeat the situation. 

Lying down with his face buried on the pillow he realizes how tired he is, how straining the situation has been. Everything seemed much easier when Soonyoung and him weren’t trying to communicate and just ignored whatever feelings were involved. Everything was much easier before he decided to act out unprompted against himself and wonder how he was feeling or what he wanted. In the last months he’s barely had time on his own and as much as he misses Mingyu and Soonyoung he misses himself too, he misses this unbothered version of him, who didn’t question every action and every gesture. 

Before he finally falls asleep again, he decides to wait and rest, try to put some order in his apartment and in himself. As hard as it feels to him right at that moment, he decides to avoid his two friends until his mind is clearer. 

*

_Would you like to go for a coffee with me?_

Not even a week later Mingyu sends him a message. A part of him is relieved they still remember him. He wouldn’t like to admit it, but not talking to them had him thinking about every possible way they could just leave him alone permanently. Mingyu’s question soothes him and calms him. It’s in moments like this when he misses them the most. 

Because of the fight, his mind has been preoccupied with Soonyoung and his reproaches. It wasn’t a matter of trust. Probably Soonyoung was the person he trusted the most. He’s learnt to lean not only on him but also on Mingyu for support these past months, he’s learnt to be more open with his demands. He can see that now when he’s bumped into a wall he didn’t know existed. He couldn’t have foreseen the shame, guilt and self-doubt that assaulted him that day or the days after. 

The few days he’s had for himself he has been tiptoeing the line between berating himself for not being able to establish boundaries and showing some mercy to himself for not knowing how to do it. He had needed rest, but he had found nothing alike in the last days. He’s been busy classifying every emotion that he has gone through because of the kiss. 

He doesn’t think he’s ready to face Mingyu, much less Soonyoung, still being so confused and insecure. Self-awareness is something he has always struggled with and it was an inconvenience now, when he needed to gather some courage to be able to simply share his feelings to two people he cared about and trusted deeply.

_Sure._

His answer is short and quick. He’s made up his mind and he needs to talk to them before his worries eat him away or he ends up spitting things out he doesn’t even mean to his friends. In case the worst happens and they don’t want anything to do with him anymore, he can at least apologize and let himself learn from it. 

They agree to meet somewhere outside of their apartment. Wonwoo is thankful to have an opportunity to let himself be nervous in a place where either of them feel like they are intruding.

He’s already sitting down at a table in the corner of a cozy coffee place they often go to when Mingyu opens the door and looks for him with his eyes. He’s wearing baggy clothes and his hair down. Wonwoo has missed seeing him like this, all comfortable and warm. 

When he finds him, Mingyu beams and hurries himself to sit down. Wonwoo smiles softly, seeing Mingyu bumping into the table and scowling in pain has put him a bit at ease. He says a tiny _hi_ under his breath and watches him before averting his gaze to the table. Wonwoo can tell there is something different. Mingyu seems almost careful and hesitating when he asks him if he’s ordered or what he wants for a drink. 

His nervousness is making Wonwoo uneasy and he plays with his sleeves while he answers to Mingyu’s questions. “How are you?” “Fine” “How was work?” “Okay”. There is no guide on how to behave with someone you’ve sort of argued with and Wonwoo has the fleeting thought of writing one for future occasions. Holding a conversation feels hard and after a few minutes it dies down, an awkward silence weighing them down.

Suddenly Mingyu leans on the table and takes his drink with both hands. His voice is quieter and he’s searching for Wonwoo’s eyes when he speaks again. “Wonwoo, I would like to know what happened that day and what you’ve been doing these days.” Wonwoo marvels at his question because, if he truly thinks about it, it’s the same Soonyoung made, just better phrased. It seems to be a studied sentence. “Only if you want to tell me,” Mingyu adds hurriedly. It feels rare not to see Mingyu’s usual confidence in his voice. Wonwoo barely has time to answer when he hears Mingyu speaking again. 

“Wonwoo, I don't know what happened, the fight between you and Soonyoung is between you two. I wanted to talk about that day, when you left.” He recognizes Mingyu’s habit of talking fast and slurring the words when he’s nervous. He’s still looking at him, as if with his eyes he could convey a confidence he himself doesn’t seem to have. 

“I think I owe you an apology, I didn’t know you were uncomfortable and we should’ve checked with you. I know Soonyoung wants to apologize too, even if you don’t think so right now.” Mingyu seems to have rehearsed this speech, he’s mumbling, rushing the words but it’s clear he wants him to understand that he’s being honest. Wonwoo feels a bit overwhelmed by his words. He’s been so busy worrying and fearing the worst he doesn’t exactly know to act now in front of an eager-to- make-amends Mingyu when he thought he was the one who screwed it up. 

“But I don’t know what happened… and I want you to know that if you want to talk to me I’m right here, even if it’s not now” he finishes and he lets out a big breath, as if letting the words out had helped him. His hands are on the table and his gaze has never left Wonwoo’s face. 

When Wonwoo speaks, he does it slowly, it’s like he’s been mulling his answer. In a way, he had been, thinking about how to say everything he wanted. 

“I’m asexual” he almost whispers and once is out,he gauges Mingyu’s reaction looking for a sign of rejection or disgust, but his face doesn’t betray any feeling besides undivided attention to anything he wants to share. 

“I’ve known for a while but I never said it. Never saw the point since no one was asking and there were no situations where it was an issue to be discussed.” The quicker he lets it all out, the quicker it will be over. “It’s hard for me to talk about it. It’s difficult to say what it’s like. I don’t know what is okay for me, I was never interested in trying anything but I want to be part of your relationship and I don’t want things to change. I don’t want you to feel you have to do anything for me.” He says the last sentence almost like a plea, at some point he has stopped looking at Mingyu. Every word feels true and speaking them aloud makes him feel small, raw and open. 

“Thank you for telling me.” He sounds relieved and his eyes seem to encourage Wonwoo. He reaches his hand to Wonwoo’s but takes it back quickly. Watching Mingyu’s features relax is slowly fading his worry. “I don’t know what to say. I feel Soonyoung should be here with us, but I understand you need to fix things with him first.”

He leaves his last words hanging. He hesitates before speaking again and takes a deep breath. “If you want we can help you figure out what makes you feel comfortable and what not.” Wonwoo doesn’t hear pity, regret or doubt in what Mingyu is saying. “You were always part of our relationship, before we started kissing and afterwards. That is not going to change.” Wonwoo has been holding out his breath. He feels his heart skipping a beat. and he doesn’t know what to reply but he thinks he will be repeating those same words in his head for a while. 

“Thank you…” He has the need to say it, suddenly most of his worries seem stupid. There’s lightness now in his words. When he speaks next, his voice is still quiet but there’s no self doubt or fear. “I feel like I don’t know anything and that moment, the kiss, was kind of confusing. You didn’t pressure me at all. If anything, it was me who was forcing myself.” Coming to that conclusion was perhaps one of the hardest moments of that week. Realising it had been him all along trying to force himself to accept something he didn’t want had felt like a betrayal. “I don’t know how to explain it… I just wanted to be there with you and I felt I needed to do what you were doing.”

When he hears it, Mingyu pulls a funny face before schooling his expression in the gentle smile he has always offered him. Now he’s frowning slightly and his eyes give away stubbornness when he speaks next. 

“I… don’t know how to explain this… You don’t need to do the same as we do. I want you to feel comfortable. We want you to be comfortable. That is what is important for me, I won’t speak for Soonyoung but I’m pretty sure he thinks the same way I do...” His pace of talking is unusually slow and gentle, there seems to be some purpose behind every syllable. Wonwoo finds it almost funny, now that the tension has died down he can’t help but chuckle with delight. He never thought he needed to be taken care of, but that seems to be what Mingyu is doing. After the past week it feels calming. 

When they leave, Mingyu brushes his hand while walking out and Wonwoo takes Mingyu’s hand in his. The younger doesn’t say anything, but Wonwoo can see him smiling and feel him tightening his hold gently. 

*

Although talking to Mingyu felt relieving, his initial enthusiasm dies down days after. Mingyu has been reassuring and supportive, at his doorstep he mentioned again Soonyoung, reminding him in the less recriminating way possible they should talk and assuring him it would be okay. Soonyoung would have no problem with whatever Wonwoo has to tell him. Mingyu didn’t say it in that many words, but Wonwoo could read between the lines. 

Going back home after that was easier, sleep came to him quickly and the next day at work he was cheerful and present, no longer worrying. Some days later, he finds himself going back to a jumbled mind and self-discouraging thoughts. He keeps finding himself wondering how he can approach a friend he’s known for years, trying to predict his reactions to be able to have a comeback. 

Mingyu’s words repeat themselves in his head. _If you want we can help you figure out what makes you feel comfortable and what not._ He has been giving them a lot of time and thoughts. What does he want to try? He has felt comfortable in every step of the relationship, he has felt comfortable with subtle touches, hugs and cuddles, but he doesn’t know where to go from there. 

One thing he knows for sure, he doesn’t want them to stop whatever they’re doing on his behalf, he doesn’t want their time and attention drawn exclusively to him. It is difficult to put it into words, but he just wants to be _there_ with them. He wants to be part of the decisions and the plans they make together, wants to share the support and mutual understanding they’ve shown to each other. 

Before he keeps sabotaging his attempts to communicate with Soonyoung, he decides to be the one to take the first step. He has the feeling his friend might be waiting for his permission or forgiveness to talk. Soonyoung hasn’t sent him any message, picture or called him since their fight. Now that he gets updates from Mingyu daily, it feels weird the lack of information about Soonyoung. 

He gets a reply almost immediately after sending his message. Soonyoung offers to pay for their food (as always) and they will have dinner at Wonwoo’s. When he accepts to meet, he feels the nervousness at the pit of his stomach raise. Soonyoung and Wonwoo have never talked about them, or about feelings or relationships. He remembers being there for Soonyoung when he knew his friend was sad, he remembers Soonyoung doing the same for him. In both cases the memory is a quiet one, filled with moments spent in silence watching something distracting or just being with each other. 

He can’t predict his friend’s reaction and he can’t help but remember how it went last time he tried to solve anything with him. Mingyu’s presence might have been a good option to tame both of them, maybe even to control their questions and answers. The image of Soonyoung and Wonwoo fighting while Mingyu mediates is funny. Wonwoo tries to conjure it every time he loses the courage to talk to Soonyoung. But as funny and reassuring it may be, he knows he should do it alone with his best friend. 

When Soonyoung arrives, he barges in with a loud hello and before he even starts speaking Wonwoo can recognize what he’s going to try. Soonyoung as always tries to divert the topic, this time around he seems overly enthusiastic, as if he was trying to compensate with fun the guilt he feels because of their fight.

Wonwoo lets him talk and arrange the table and the food, as if he was the guest in his own house, but Soonyoung seems to need the distraction, seems to need to make himself familiar with the elements of his apartment again. Once they are at the table, Wonwoo takes one of Soonyoung’s breaks in his talking to finally take the lead. 

“Hey Soonyoung, I think we should talk about… well, about everything...” His voice trails off. The resolution he starts with disappears at the end of the sentence. Sooyoung is not even staring at him and is fumbling with the food he so carefully placed on the table. There’s nothing left from the little courage he had when he messaged Soonyoung. The silence that follows his sentence feels much longer than it actually is. 

“You are right…” His voice is equally doubtful and uncertain. “I owe you an apology… What I said… It wasn’t right. Sure, it frustrated me not knowing what you were thinking. I was able to feel you were not entirely comfortable and I sort of panicked, you weren’t saying anything so I didn’t know what to do about it. I’m really sorry for what I said, I don’t want you to think that is my opinion about you or about us. I’m really sorry… ” He released the breath he seems to have been holding during his whole talk. 

“Thank you…” He figures out that’s how he should start, it felt comforting when Mingyu said it that day they talked at the coffee place. “I should also apologize… I was really hurt by what you said so I reacted really poorly. I hope you know I don’t really think what I said. I think it was also at some point my fault for not telling you anything about what I was feeling.” For a moment he thinks they probably look really stupid, both apologizing for the same thing, it’s nice to be able to be on speaking terms with his friend again. He finds out talking about them isn’t as difficult as he assumed. 

“I… It's really weird talking to you about this” he chuckles. It’s turning out to be easier than expected, but the air around them is still layered with some awkwardness. Soonyoung is quiet and he’s glancing constantly to the side, to the food, his hands, but never at Wonwoo. He’s suddenly reminded of the time when they first met and Soonyoung was shy and reserved to strangers. A warm feeling assaults him when he thinks of how much they’ve both changed, how they’ve adapted themselves to each other and helped each other throughout the years. This conversation now seems a fresh start for them, maybe a changing point.

“I don’t think we’ve ever said so much about us and I don’t think I’ve ever told you I’m asexual...” He rushes the last bit of his sentence and then stops talking. He finds it hard to hide anything in front of Soonyoung and he imagines his eyes betraying how vulnerable and small he is feeling right now. When he invited him, he had hoped for a little warm up, maybe something calmer and not this much emotion all at once. He should have expected it. Soonyoung wasn’t like that, everything he did, he did it all at once, quick and overwhelming.

When he looks for Soonyoung’s reaction, he’s staring at him with wide eyes and doesn’t say anything for a few seconds. Wonwoo can help the worried face, he’s never thought about coming out or what that could entail. He feels exposed and alone, a bit afraid he isn’t going to receive the answer he wants. He didn’t realise how nerve wracking it could be. 

When their eyes cross, Soonyoung hurries himself to answer. 

“It's okay. Not that it has to be ok. That’s not what I mean… ” He stares at his hands nervously as if that could give him the answer he’s looking for. “I mean… Okay? I don’t know what to say… We never talked about this, thank you for telling me.” He’s puckering his lips, it’s almost as if he wasn’t satisfied with what he’s saying. The smile he lets out is sheepish. 

“It is amazing how after such a long time we can still find out things we didn’t know about each other.” Wonwoo can’t help but chuckle at this comment. “Would you feel comfortable if I ask you more questions? I know how much of a bother that can be, so don’t worry just tell to shut u-” He stops his rambling abruptly and stares at him quietly for the first time in the whole conversation. 

“Oh my god. Wonwoo… Did we force anything? Did we do anything that made you feel uncomfortable? I’m so sorry, I know it’s not an excuse, but I didn’t know. Wonwoo. I’m really sorry.” There’s urgency in the way he’s talking to him. Wonwoo can almost see how Soonyoung’s thoughts are running around in his head. He can understand what his friend is thinking. He needs to stop the trail of thoughts his friend seems to be going through. 

“Hey hey Soonyoung, Soonyoung” he taps his hand, asking for his attention before the situation turns more confusing and there’s another misunderstanding. He wants his friend to look at him. 

“I never said anything like that, please let me finish?” He’s almost pleading, he doesn’t want his friend storming out on him or not understanding what has taken him so much time to grasp. “This is really hard to explain… You didn’t force me, I wanted to be there, I just… I didn’t expect feeling so uncomfortable. I’ve never been in such a situation and I didn’t know how to react, I didn’t know what to do next, so I figured letting everything happen and try harder was what I had to do.” He sees Soonyoung opening his mouth, ready to protest. 

“I know, I’ve thought about it a lot. I know I don’t have to do that. Mingyu also told me…” He takes a deep breath, they are already here, so why not say everything he had to say. “Mingyu also told me, you could help figure out what I liked, maybe we could figure it out together” He says the last part as a whisper, no longer sure of what he’s asking for.

Wonwoo is attuned to Soonyoung’s behaviour after so many years. He senses his distress and feels deflated. Soonyoung doesn’t seem as willing to help him as Mingyu or that’s what he thinks when he sees his forehead crease in what might be confusion or anger. 

“You don’t have to, if you don’t want to… I understand it’s something maybe I should have discovered before or maybe I should explore on my own”. He doesn’t want to put them under pressure, he doesn’t want them to feel forced to do anything they don’t want to. They shouldn’t do anything they don’t feel comfortable with. 

“Oh” he looks at Wonwoo and if Wonwoo wasn’t so deep in his head he would find his friend’s face funny, with his eyes as big as they can get and mouth shaped in a perfect circle. “Oh, no, no, please. I would really like helping you.” He’s moving his hands frantically “I suddenly feel super nervous about this” He says and he sounds shy, but also happy. Wonwoo marvels at how new it feels having this conversation with Soonyoung.

“Hey, enough talk for today?” Wonwoo asks. He knows there are things left to discuss, he knows if he wants this to work, they need to sit down again and learn to be more honest. He needs to learn how to say what he wants. But today has left him exhausted and he wants to enjoy Soonyoung’s presence now that the awkwardness has faded. “Would you maybe like to stay over and sleep with me? I’ve missed having someone to talk to before falling asleep.”

There’s no more shyness when Soonyoung practically jumps out of his seat and almost squeaks a yes. He feels relieved and Wonwoo doesn’t know if it’s because they left the emotional talk behind or because he missed him too. “I didn’t bring any spare clothes with me, just so you know. So I will have to borrow your clothes,” Soonyoung keeps pointing out things they had to do now that he is staying over and Wonwoo feels happy at least this hasn’t changed. Soonyoung being unnecessarily loud about little details and moving around his place as if it was his. Wonwoo feels a little lighter, a weight has been lifted out of his shoulders now that everything is out in the open. He’s still a bit shaken, he’s probably going to go over this conversation more than once in the next few days. He’s certain he’s going to doubt himself and is going to feel vulnerable everytime they decide to speak about it, but he hopes it will become easier little by little. 

They clean the table and do the dishes together, while Soonyoung updates Wonwoo’s on everyone’s life. It hasn’t been that long but the way Soonyoung speaks makes him feel like they didn’t see each other in a long time. Having his friend like this with him has him realizing how much they actually talk normally, how big of a presence Soonyoung is in his daily life. 

When they’re finished they get ready to go to sleep. Even if Soonyoung has no early classes, Wonwoo has the opening turn and has to wake up early. Soonyoung has no complaints and looks happy just lying down with him and keep talking about everything that comes to his mind. Mingyu has taken him to a place they should all go together to, he’s talking to this new guy at the gym who can put up with Soonyoung’s energy, he’s bought a new pillow and is satisfied even though he didn’t know what he was buying. 

Soonyoung is lying down staring at the ceiling while talking. The stories get quieter with the passing time. Wonwoo watches him talking by his side. He feels his eyelids heavy and when he’s almost asleep he feels Soonyoung’s hand over his and him getting closer. “Wonwoo, thank you for telling me everything today.” he whispers and Wonwoo feels how he turns around and gives him his back. 

A small smile is tugging at his lips. He reaches for his friend’s waist and tries to hug him while lying down. He’s squeezing his own arm and he’s probably going to stop cuddling Soonyoung in favour of expanding his body on his big bed as soon as he falls asleep, but right now he wants him to know he heard. “Thank you too,” he tries to say as clearly as possible with sleep heavy in his voice. He yawns one last time and closes his eyes. Right before sleep takes him over he feels Soonyoung playing with his fingers and hears him saying goodnight. 

*

The next times they meet, everything seems to have gone back to normal. They keep following Soonyoung to his unexpected plans, they keep going to Mingyu’s to have dinner and watch movies, they’ve started planning some weekend trips to the outskirts of the city. The uncertainty and discomfort he felt those last weeks have faded. He still gets nervous, he still questions what he does and why he does it and although he finds himself having conflicting thoughts he tries to deal with them. He has always felt supported by Soonyoung and Mingyu, but now he knows it. He hadn’t thought that could actually make a difference. 

It’s not until a few weeks later when Wonwoo realizes they are behaving a bit differently. They keep spending time together, but there’s significant change in their behaviour. They keep themselves further away from him and from each other. They seem to be tiptoeing around the physical intimacy they had developed before. These past weeks he has missed Mingyu’s hugs or Soonyoung clinging to him while walking. They are close, but Wonwoo can’t help but realise the amount of distance that’s grown between them. The gap between their hands while they’re walking feels much bigger than it was. He was used to them reaching out to him, approaching him and now that they aren’t doing it, he doesn’t know how to do it himself. 

He wonders what has brought this change, when he was under the impression they’ve solved whatever problem was looming over their heads. Talking to them has felt liberating and enlightening, he was still confused and still trying to figure out what he liked or didn’t like, but he had also been researching. It had been hard to find any useful information, but reading about asexuality and about relationships has given him some perspective. He’s found out some painful confessions or about some hard situations. He feels grateful for having Mingyu and Soonyoung in this situation, he’s glad to have the space to figure himself out, but he hasn’t stopped thinking about what they said, about them figuring it out together. He wants that, he wants the closeness he felt before and he wants to learn how to ask for it. 

He decides to invite them for dinner. Even if there is nothing extraordinary about having dinner with them, knowing he’s talking to them leaves him tingling with nervousness and, this time around, excitement. Mingyu and Soonyoung have been nothing but understanding and they’ve let him decide the pace in which they moved. He feels like thanking them so he’s set his mind on cooking something, even if he isn’t very good at it. 

When he hears the door, he’s gone through the conversation and what he wants to say a couple of times already while cooking. When he welcomes them in the apartment and sees them standing next to each other, he wonders if they were together before him and asks himself if that would bother him. He smiles when he realizes it doesn’t and greets them quietly. Soonyoung tangles his arm around him and Mingyu lets himself in giving him a kiss on the cheek. Wonwoo beams at their actions and lets them lead the way to the table. He can’t stop grinning when he sees their reactions to the easiest food he’s able to prepare.

“Wonwoo! I can’t believe you cooked, for us?!” Soonyoung is almost yelling and admiring everything from up close. “I feel so honoured,” he says, placing hand on his chest. Mingyu giggles before thanking him. 

When they start eating he is glad to see Soonyoung enjoying the food. “I’m giving you the title of official cook in this relationship,” Mingyu comments after a few bites. Wonwoo is delighted to hear the word relationship. “No please, this is pretty much the only thing I feel confident cooking,” he answers chuckling. “I just felt like treating you for a change.” He explains.

“So… I wanted to talk to you…” If he waits a little longer, he’s probably going to find excuses not to bring up the topic. “I know we haven’t spoken about it in a while and last time we tried something it got really uncomfortable,” he is nervous, but he’s now familiar with the feeling of opening himself up. He’s proud when he doesn’t hear his voice waver, when he sees “I don’t know if you remember, but I’ve been thinking about something you said when we talked about this… about you helping me explore what I like and what I don’t… I would really like that if you still-”

“Of course we want!” Soonyoung interrupts him loudly. He’s finished eating and he’s giving him all his attention. He sounds exasperated, as if changing opinions wasn’t an option he contemplated, as if doubting them was something he shouldn’t be considering anymore. 

Any signs of distress he was feeling disappear, but when he turns his gaze to Mingyu, looking for his reaction, he seems hesitant. Wonwoo tries not to let himself overthink and let them speak, the same way they let him. Mingyu, thankfully, doesn’t stay quiet for long. 

“Of course I still want to… I’m super happy you asked.” He’s staring at him with bright eyes and a small smile. “But… I’ve thought about it a lot since we talked and if we are going to do that, I have to ask you something?” Wonwoo is surprised, they’ve never demanded anything from him. 

“I… I, well, we, Soonyoung and me, we don’t want to make you uncomfortable again and you hadn’t said anything until now, so we didn’t know if we were doing it right by giving you some space or if you needed more.” It hadn’t occurred to him before that they might have had something to talk about also, but when Mingyu has said we he wasn’t that surprised to hear it. 

“I would really appreciate it if you could say when you want to stop. I don’t want to force you, but I think I need you to say if you don’t like something.” Wonwoo lets out the breath he’s been holding. For a moment he thought they were going to ask him to do certain things. “I don’t expect you to know beforehand and we will take all the time we need, but, please, let us know how you feel. It was tough not knowing what was going on. I don’t want you to think you owe us an explanation. You don’t, but if we’re doing this we have to know how we feel about it?” 

When he says the last we, Wonwoo thinks of them, of Soonyoung and Mingyu and how they need all the care he’s receiving. He doesn’t need to reflect on Mingyu’s word, he’s right and he knows that. He is glad Mingyu has asked him, and has taken the time to tell him. 

Soonyoung is nodding next to him and looking expectantly at Wonwoo. “I would love to help you figure out whatever Wonwoo, but after last time, I realised I’ve never been in such a situation before, I don’t know how to act. I’m not going to ask you for instructions but… I will do everything possible to make you feel comfortable, but I think I will need your help in that. This is about you too.” The way Soonyoung explains it reminds him of Soonyoung breaking down choreography in small movements for his students and he feels like laughing. 

Wonwoo has never wanted to make the situation about him, but he’s happy to be recognized as a part of it. He feels the excitement clouding the nervousness he felt at the beginning of their dinner. He was afraid the conversation could be surprising to his partners, but they had come prepared, it seemed. Wonwoo chuckles, he thinks is probably Mingyu’s influence in their combo. 

“You talked about this already, right?” He has to ask, he’s curious, he wants to know what they said and what they talked about. Mingyu doesn’t look at him, it’s almost as if he felt guilty. 

“Well… yes, we had to. I had to. I didn’t understand what happened and I wanted to know how Soonyoung had felt after that weekend in my apartment and your fight.” It makes sense, Wonwoo wants to reassure Mingyu that he isn’t angry, that he understands, but he keeps talking. “I didn't tell Soonyoung anything of what we talked about, though. I’m sorry, I should have realised it could make you feel bad.” 

“No, don’t worry. I understand what you mean. I also understand what you said… Being with you two, I’ve realised how hard it is for me to actually talk about this. I’ve never even thought about it ” he says with wonder. If he’s honest he’s still surprised with himself and with how everything turned out. He guesses he trusts them, even more than what he thought. He guesses he feels comfortable with them to try and venture into something new. He knows he wants to be with them. 

“I will tell you when I don’t feel comfortable. I promise” Wonwoo states with a big smile. It feels important for him to say it aloud, to make it more real. 

“What would you like to do now? We could maybe watch something? I know you don’t have to work tomorrow”. He continues asking while taking their dishes to the sink. He will do them tomorrow. They make a move to help him but he shushes them. He feels like taking care of everything today. 

Mingyu and Soonyoung decide to watch a movie. He complies, he doesn’t mind, he only wants to spend time with them, what they are doing isn’t that important. When he comes back from the kitchen, Mingyu is already lying down with his feet on Soonyoung’s thighs. The opening credits are playing on the screen, they seem to have chosen something silly and light. When he sits, Mingyu moves to rest his head on Wonwoo’s legs. 

They barely move during the movie. Wonwoo is distracted appreciating Soonyoung laughing at the screen and sitting down comfortably. Mingyu chuckles from time to time, but he seems to be distracted as well. At some point, he turns his head to look at Wonwoo and asks him to stroke his hair with a whisper and half-lidded eyes. Wonwoo smiles down at him and complies. He spends the rest of the movie doing so and half-watching the movie, half watching them having fun and commenting. 

“You can stay over if you want,” Wonwoo says when they’re finished. Mingyu is sprawled on the sofa and hums. Wonwoo doesn’t know if it’s because he agrees or because of him stroking his hair. The quiet mood is broken by Soonyoung’s whine “Why do you always suggest it when we can’t prepare? I don’ t have clothes with me.”

“You just like complaining, that has never been a problem before.” Wonwoo has to fight a smile at Mingyu’s retort. “Soonyoung you can go if you want,” he says pushing Soonyoung playfully. “I would like to stay,” Mingyu turns to look at him with expectation. He chuckles at their interaction and at Soonyoung’s pout. He's sure they are staying when he sees them standing up. They keep shoving each other and playing around. He didn’t realize how happy it could make him to watch them together, just being there. He smiles to himself at that thought. He’s pretty sure he’s wearing the same expression he’s often seen in Mingyu and Soonyoung. 

“Are you okay with a peck?” Mingyu’s sudden question takes him out of his reverie. His gaze is no longer playful. Wonwoo stutters at his question. Is he okay with it? He’s also wondered these past weeks, he wonders now. “Would you like to try?” he asks this time a bit tentatively and hesitant. 

Wonwoo realizes he does want to try. He wants to try now that he knows he can take as many steps back as he wants. He wants to try now when he sees the question in Mingyu’s gaze and he can see the space he’s given. “Yes, I would really like to.” His smile is almost shy.

Mingyu leans in and kisses him softly on the lips, barely a touch. Wonwoo smiles afterwards, he probably should be embarrassed of having such a childish reaction to something so simple, but with them like this he doesn’t really care. 

“Can I have one too?” Soonyoung asks with a pout, he seems eager. The seriousness has dissipated and has never felt so light and happy. “From him or from me?” he teases him. He wants to joke and laugh. 

“Both” he answers without hesitation and, before Mingyu can move, Wonwoo takes the initiative and kisses Soonyoung, short and sweet. He watches as Mingyu does the same and feels happy and a bit stupid and a bit childish. It’s just a kiss, but it seems much more. 

“Come! I will give you some clothes to sleep on.” He starts walking to his bedroom and he hears them following him. 

When they go to sleep, Soonyoung throws himself in the bed taking as much space as he can. Wonwoo tries to find a gap for himself on his own bed by Soonyoung’s side and he sees Mingyu settling on his other side. He’s facing Soonyoung and can see his partner’s profile and get a peek of Mingyu’s face next to him. He falls asleep lulled by their whispers.

When he wakes up, Soonyoung is curled up besides him and Mingyu has his arm over Soonyoung's waist. He’s a bit further away. He never thought his bed would have three people, but he’s thankful for the huge mattress that occupies almost his whole room. He’s always needed some space to be able to sleep peacefully, but he isn’t bothered by Mingyu’s heavy breathing or Soonyoung’s arm invading the little space Wonwoo managed to make for himself. He slides closer to Soonyoung and passes his arm over Mingyu’s. He starts caressing his arm with the tip of his fingers. He falls asleep not even five minutes later, smiling to himself.


End file.
